“everybody needs an inspiration”
Kedengerannya emang simple banget kalimat di atas. Semua orang butuh inspirasi, sedikit lirik dari lagu Miley Cirus-When I look at you yang sedang aku putar malam ini. Bukan karena aku menyukai penyanyinya, kemudian aku mengatakan lagu ini bagus. Tapi lebih dari sekedar itu, pelan-pelan ternyata aku mulai menyetujui apa yang dikatakan Miley Cirus, “everybody needs an inspiration”.

Layaknya sebuah harapan, inspirasi bisa ku katakan sebagai sebuah harapan, di mana sebuah inspirasi biasanya mendorong atau menghipnotis seseorang untuk melakukan sesuatu tanpa disuruh atau diminta. Dan itulah yang sekarang sedang aku rasakan. Sebuah inspirasi untukku memulai sesuatu, entah itu hal yang besar maupun kecil. Tanpa inspirasi yang sudah aku miliki kurang lebih hampir setahun ini, aku yakin aku pasti akan tetap bisa bertahan untuk menjalani semua ini. Tapi tetap terasa sangat berbeda, saat aku telah benar-benar menemukan inspirasiku ini.

Berlebihan mungkin memang kalau apa yang ku lakukan sejak hampir setahun ini, memang karna ada inspirasi itu. Setiap aku akan melakukan sesuatu, selalu terlintas di benakku seorang inspiratorku itu. Bahkan bisa ku katakan, lebih dari sekedar inspirasi. Dia benar-benar..ahhhh aku bahkan jadi kehabisan kata-kata saat akan mendeskripsikannya.

Inspirasiku memang jauh di atasku dalam banyak hal. Terkadang aku pun menjadi minder sendiri begitu menyadari ternyata dia sudah mengisi kekosongan jiwaku ini, seorang mahasiswa dengan otak biasa saja dan dia pantas mendapatkan yang lebih dari aku. Tapi, dengan segera aku pun berubah pikiran, entah menghibur diri atau bukan, aku menjadi berfikir bahwa aku nggak akan mau kalau sampai kehilangan dia dan aku harus bisa at least bisa lebih baik dari ini biarpun susah untuk bisa memiliki kemampuan seperti dia. Aku yakin kalau laki-laki baik akan mendapatkan perempuan baik-baik juga. Sekarang, di depan mataku aku melihat sesosok yang begitu baiknya, dan aku pun harus berusaha untuk menjadi yang baik untuknya.

Satnite
11.17 pm
By : heartcracker

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When she says margarita she means daiquiri.
When she says quixotic she means mercurial.
And when she says, "I'll never speak to you again,"
she means, "Put your arms around me from behind
as I stand disconsolate at the window."

He's supposed to know that.

When a man loves a woman he is in New York and she is in Virginia
or he is in Boston, writing, and she is in New York, reading,
or she is wearing a sweater and sunglasses in Balboa Park and he
is raking leaves in Ithaca
or he is driving to East Hampton and she is standing disconsolate
at the window overlooking the bay
where a regatta of many-colored sails is going on
while he is stuck in traffic on the Long Island Expressway.

When a woman loves a man it is one ten in the morning
she is asleep he is watching the ball scores and eating pretzels
drinking lemonade
and two hours later he wakes up and staggers into bed
where she remains asleep and very warm.

When she says tomorrow she means in three or four weeks.
When she says, "We're talking about me now,"
he stops talking. Her best friend comes over and says,
"Did somebody die?"

When a woman loves a man, they have gone
to swim naked in the stream
on a glorious July day
with the sound of the waterfall like a chuckle
of water rushing over smooth rocks,
and there is nothing alien in the universe.

Ripe apples fall about them.
What else can they do but eat?

When he says, "Ours is a transitional era,"
"that's very original of you," she replies,
dry as the martini he is sipping.

They fight all the time
It's fun
What do I owe you?
Let's start with an apology
Ok, I'm sorry, you dickhead.
A sign is held up saying "Laughter."
It's a silent picture.
"I've been fucked without a kiss," she says,
"and you can quote me on that,"
which sounds great in an English accent.

One year they broke up seven times and threatened to do it
another nine times.

When a woman loves a man, she wants him to meet her at the
airport in a foreign country with a jeep.
When a man loves a woman he's there. He doesn't complain that
she's two hours late
and there's nothing in the refrigerator.

When a woman loves a man, she wants to stay awake.
She's like a child crying
at nightfall because she didn't want the day to end.

When a man loves a woman, he watches her sleep, thinking:
as midnight to the moon is sleep to the beloved.
A thousand fireflies wink at him.
The frogs sound like the string section
of the orchestra warming up.
The stars dangle down like earrings the shape of grapes.

By: david lehman

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Sudah hampir satu setengah bulan, aku nggak pulang kampung. Ku akui kemarin aku memang benar-benar nggak ada waktu untuk pulang, kalaupun ada, hanya satu hari di hari Sabtu sedangkan esoknya aku harus kembali ke kota perantauanku.

Hari pertamaku di kampung, diam-diam aku memperhatikan wajah perempuan yang sedang berdiri di depanku yang sedang sibuk menghidangkan makanan untuk semua orang yang di rumah. Ku lihat wajahnya sudah tak sperti dulu lagi, banyak keriput di sana sini. Wajahnya pun tampak layu, tak sesegar dulu. Entah karena memang dia sudah menua atau karena terlalu banyak hal yang harus dipikirkannya, ahh bukan,, terlalu banyak hal yang harus ditanggungnya.

Saat aku mencoba merengkuh pundaknya dan memijatnya, aku merasa sedikit terenyuh, perempuan ini benar-benar sudah tak seperti dulu. Dia memang tak seperti perempuan-perempuan lain yang semestinya masih segar dan tulangnya masih cukup kuat. Ku pikir, dia memang sudah menua. Berulang kali, diam-diam aku mengaguminya. Dia benar-benar superwoman bagiku. Dialah yang rela membanting tulang kecilnya itu untuk mengumpulkan kepingan-kepingan logam ini untuk membiayai sekolahku. Dialah yang tetap kuat saat di ujung lelahnya, dia masih diminta untuk melakukan ini dan itu.

Malam itu, ku rasakan ada bulir-bulir air yang sudah bersiap untuk memaksa keluar dan membasahi pipiku. Berulang kali ku tahan, tapi ternyata aku masih belum bisa sekuat perempuan itu. Ahh..aku terlalu malu kalau sampai dia melihat basahan yang ada di pipiku ini. Di balik pintu kamar, aku mencoba menenangkan diri dan mulai menghapus basahan-basahan ini. Kemudian aku coba mendekati perempuan itu, sengaja aku ingin mengobrol dengannya.

Belum sampai aku membuka percakapan, dia sudah mendahuluiku, katanya “aku lagi gak ada duit, gimana uang sakumu buat balik ke Solo besok? Ditambah, tagihan listrik yang sudah sampai ke batas akhir pembayaran. Bapakmu, tak pernah sedikitpun berifikir untuk membantuku mencari solusinya”. Seketika itu juga, aku terhentak. Masih, masalah klasik ini muncul terus di rumah ini. Seringkali aku ingin mengelak, aku ingin menghindar, aku ingin acuh tak acuh dengan masalah ini.

Tapi, saat aku kembali menatap wajah perempuan itu, bulir-bulir ini memaksa keluar. Saat aku berfikir untuk menjadi egois, apakah itu berarti aku harus meninggalkan perempuan ini sendiri memikul beban ini? Saat aku berfikir untuk cuek, haruskah perempuan ini tersudut sendiri memutar otak untuk membuat dapurnya tetap mengebul tiap hari? Saat aku berfikir untuk menganggap tidak terjadi apa-apa, haruskah aku lantas begitu saja berangkat ke kota perantauanku? Aku sungguh tak ingin membiarkannya sendirian di sana. Aku sungguh ingin kembali padanya tanpa harus pergi merantau lagi, menemani selagi aku masih ada kesempatan.

Aku tahu, tak lama lagi, kakakku akan meninggalkannya karna dia pun akan punya hidup sendiri bersama keluarganya yang baru, sedangkan kakakku yang laki-laki pun akan sibuk entah merantau entah tidak, yang pasti dia pun akan sibuk mencari bekal untuk hidupnya sendiri nantinya. Ku fikir, aku tak ingin meninggalkannya di sana sendirian, aku ingin menemaninya entah untuk berapa lama. Tapi yang pasti, aku ingin segera menyelesaikan studiku ini dan kembali satu atap bersama perempuan itu.

Dia bilang, saat aku telah menyelesaikan studiku, aku bisa merantau ke Madura mencari pekerjaan di sana, ditempat budheku. Dia juga bilang, aku akan lebih enak di sana karena untuk sementara waktu, aku bisa menjadi guru bantu di sekolah tempat budheku mengajar. Ku akui, dulu aku memang sangat menggebu-gebu ingin segera ke sana. Sekarang? Sungguh aku ingin menemanimu di sini dan membantumu atau setidaknya aku ingin menjadi pelampiasanmu saat tetesan-tetesan terakhir keringatmu itu mulai habis.

Dulu aku memang tak pernah memperdulikan apapun yang terjadi di atap ini, tapi sekarang entah apa yang telah mengubah cara berfikirku. Setiap kali ada sesuatu yang terjadi di atap ini, apapun yang ku lakukan seperti tanpa arah. Semuanya menjadi kacau, aku selalu terngiang-ngiang dengan itu semua hingga pada akhirnya aku pun lebih sering menerawang memikirkan berbagai hal yang telah aku alami di sini. Pikiranku tak pernah lepas memikirkan bagaimana caranya membantu perempuan itu.

Aku sadar mungkin aku memang belum bisa sepenuhnya membantunya, tapi at least bisa untuk menambah uang makanku di kota perantauanku. Pikirku, seorang mahasiswa Bahasa Inggris semester tujuh, jadi akan lebih baik kalau aku pakai saja ilmu yang sudah ku dapat di bangku kuliah selama ini dengan menjadi guru les. Setiap selebaran di kampus, aku perhatikan satu per satu. Ada banyak memang lowongan pekerjaan, namun kebanyakan persyaratannya minimal S1.

Aku pun berusaha bertanya ke sana kemari kepada teman-temanku yang memang sudah lebih dulu mengajar les. Banyak dari mereka yang aku tanyai, heran kepadaku. Pasalnya, aku sudah semester tujuh dan seharusnya aku lebih konsen pada penyusunan skripsiku bukan malah mencari-cari pekerjaan. Tapi itulah yang memang sedang ingin aku lakukan. Aku menyadari semakin hari, kebutuhanku semakin bertambah sedangkan aku tak mungkin meminta perempuan itu untuk menaikkan uang sakuku. Dialah alasan yang membuatku sangat menggebu-gebu ingin mengajar les.

Ingin ku katakan padanya bahwa aku begitu menyayanginya dan aku sungguh-sungguh tak ingin melihat wajahnya semakin berkerut di sana sini karena memikirkan banyak hal yang seharusnya bukan menjadi tanggung jawabnya. Seorang perempuan luar biasa yang telah mengajariku banyak hal yang tak pernah ku temukan di manapun. Seorang perempuan yang membuatku tahu akan arti sebuah perjuangan. Seorang perempuan yang membuatku yakin bahwa kita bisa berdiri sendiri dengan dua kaki kita di dunia ini. Seorang perempuan yang benar-benar ingin ku bahagiakan nantinya. Dan ku panggil dia, IBU, bukan mama, mami, umi, emak, atau yang lainnya.


Sunday
1.33 am
By : heartcracker

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Ku terpuruk,
Ku lelap dengan sedihku,
Ku coba meraba yang mungkin menjadi sandaranku
Nothing

Ku coba merangkak,
Berdiri melawan ini semua,
Jatuh

Saat ku lelah dengan ini,
Putus asa,
Kau datang, kau pintaku untuk mencobanya
Kau beriku rasa, rasa yang tak pernah benar-benar ku dapati
Rasa yang membuatku inginkannya
Setiap waktu
Rasa yang membuatku tau arti semua
Rasa yang membuatku membuka mata
Rasa yang membuatku bangkit
Dan rasa yang membuatku lebih lebih dan lebih menginginkannya

Ya..kau opium bagiku
Kau candu bagiku
Dan aku tak akan menyesal dengan ini semua

Tetaplah menjadi opiumku,
Tetaplah menjadi penerangku,
Tetaplah menuntunku,
Tetaplah di depanku,
Karna aku tak ingin menyiakan hidup ini

By : heartcracker ‘10

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There was a raja in Daha. He led peacefully. Maharaja Erlangga was his title. He was so kind hearted. There was also a widow, Calon Arang who lived in Girah. She had a daughter namely Ratna Manggali. Her daughter was so pretty, but there was no man who came to propose her in a long time. All of people in Girah and Daha had no bravery to propose widow’s daughter, Ratna Manggali. It is because there was a rumor that the widow has done a bad thing.

The widow said: “Ouch! Please take my daughter because there are no men who propose her whereas she is pretty. How come there is no one who comes to ask her. I get so angry. I will read my book and if I have held it, I will face to Bhatari Bhagawati Majesty. I will ask her bestowal to destroy all of people in this land”.

After holding the holy book, she came to cremation place and asked bless to Bathari Bhagawati and her followers. These are her followers’ name: Weksirsa, Mahasawadana, Lende, Guyang, Larung, Gandi. They accompanied Girah Widow to dance together in cremation place. Then Bhatari Bhagawati came with his soldieries and joined to dance together. Calon Arang revered to Bhatari Bhagawati Majesty. Bhatari said: “Ouch! You…Calon Arang. What is the intention of your coming until you and your followers come to revere to me?”.

Calon Arang said and revered: “Majesty, your slave want to ask . That’s my intention”.
Bhatari answered: “I accede it, but don’t do it until the middle in order that King won’t get angry to me”.

The widow observed that order and she revered to take leave to Bhatari Bhagawati. Calon Arang and her followers danced till midnight at Wawala. There was Kamanak Kangsi which made a noise, they danced together. After they had finished their dancing, they went home to Girah while shouting at their house.

A few second later, all village people got tulah, so that many people who died. Little by little, they were annihilated. Calon Arang did not say that this was her.

Then, Raja of Daha was confronted with Sri Maharaja Erlangga’s high sitting place.
The governor told that there were many folks who died because of hot-cold tulah (panas-tis). They got tulah in one day and two days later they died. They looks that they severed to the widow of Girah namely Calon Arang and danced together with her followers at Wawalu. Many people saw them.

The sovereign said: “ Oh, my servant, make Calon Arang bear the brunt and kill her but don’t be alone. You must be with the others”.

The servant took leave and severed to the sovereign’s foot: “I am asking for permission to annihilate the widow of Girah”. He departed for Girah without a vehicle to Calon Arang’s house while people were sleeping. As soon as he could, he took Calon Arang’s hair; he unsheathed his kris to cut her hair. But his hand became heavy. Calon Arang was shocked and woke up. Then the fire appeared from her eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. It was perfervid and made the servant burnt. One of the servants died. The others escaped from that servant. Without say anything, they went to the castle. They told about that remnant of death: “Majesty, I can’t do anything for you, Majesty Sri Prameswara, one of us has died because of the widow’s eyes of Girah. There was fire from the stomach that perfervid and it roasted him until burnt the Majesty of Bhatara’s servant.

The sovereign said:”I am so sad hearing that news. As soon as possible, he went away from the presence of Balairung to go home. The King did not say anything. Calon Arong got angrier because of the servants’ coming which has been ordered by the sovereign. Calon Arang told to her followers that she would come again to cremation place, she hold the holy book anymore. After holding it, she was escorted all of her followers, she came to the edge of cemetery that was leafy and dark. Its leaves were so leafy to the ground that made it smooth. The widow of Girah sat and accepted by her followers. Lende said:”Hi…The widow…what is the cause you will blew up the carrier of earth? If it is like that, it will be better if revere to Sang Maharesi as a street indicator to paradise”.

Larung said:”Is your sadness to the sovereign? You should do teluh to the middle area”.
They agreed with Larung’s words, they followed Calon Arang and said: “You are absolutely right, Larung. Chime your Kamanak and Kangsi and now let’s dance together. Let me look at that deed one by one. Now, may be it has arrived at that deed and go dance”.

Immediately, Guyang danced, he screamed, his eyes looks redden, looked toward left-right.
Larung danced, his motion was like a tiger that wanted to pounce on, his eyes looks redden, it was really naked. His hair moved forwards quickly.

Gandi danced, he jumped, his hair moved to the side quickly. His eyes were reddening looks like janitri fruit.

Lande danced, his dancing walked on tiptoe with his foots. His action was perfervid like the fire that almost was aglow. His hair moved quickly.

Weksirsa danced, he bowed repeatedly, and he turned head, his eyes opened and no flicker. His hair moved to the side quickly. It was really naked.

Mahisawadana danced with a foot, he was upside down, his hand wanted to crumple up.
Calon Arang was so happy after they danced together. She gave an order when she has arrived at the palace. She divided them into going to five areas. Lende went to south, Larung went to north, Guyang went to east, Gandi went to west. Calon Arang to the middle with Weksirsa and Mahisawadana.

After they went to five areas, Calon Arang went to the place of cremation, met the corpse which dead by the run on the fifth day (Kliwon). She made it stand, bind it to kepuh, reanimate the course, and blow it: Weksirsa and Mahisawadana mede the corpse’s eyes open. It became alive. The corpse said:”who has reanimated me? What a big debt of me. How can I reward it, I revere to you. Please detach me from this kepuh tree. I want to respect and follow your words”.

Weksirsa said:” You think that you are alive? Let me kill you with a short machete”. He killed him immediately with a short machete. The neck took off. His head flew away, it was shampooed with blood by Calon Arang: It became lump up by the blood. His body was roasted as the victim of Bhuta (Giant) who was at the cremation place. After that, Paduka Bhatari agreed with what has been the sacrifice.

Bhatari got out from heaven, he said to Calon Arang:”Ouch, my daughter Calon Arang, what is your intention by giving the sacrifice, give your respect? I accept your admiration”.
The widow of Girah said:”Sir, Sang the leader of this land has made your daughter sad, I put the arm to Bhatari’s mercy, in order that Paduka Bhatari is happy to devastate all people in this land, into the middle too”.

Bhatari said:”Okay, I grant it, Calon Arang, but you don’t be careless”.
The widow of Girah took leave to respect Bhatari. She went to cross street to dnace.

The great tulah happened in all over that land. Tulah happened for one-two nights, getting sick cold-hot, and all people dead. The corpse which were in terrain and stacks. The others were at the street, there were also in their house. The wolves yowl to eat the corpse. The raven screamed continually and together the corpse. The flies fly everywhere in several houses, uninhabited houses. The other people has gone away, they flee to the place which didn’t get tulah. Sick persons were given a special treatment; the others took care of their children and brought their goods.

Some Bhuta shouted out:” Don’t you go; your village has been safe. Tulah and the other disease has end. Let’s go home. Your life is here”. After that, there were many death cases at the street. Some Bhuta were having fun in uninhabited house.

Mahisawadana entered the house and walked to the wall, he made tulah for all people in that house. Weksirsa entered to the bedroom, he walked pace up and down, opened the door, asked the sacrifice blood and flesh.”Those are my favourite, don’t be longer”, he said. There was no one who dead against tulah and Bhutas’ demeanour.

A clergyman came to the middle of cremation place; he met Weksirsa and Mahisawadana, Calon Arang’s followers. After seeing that clergyman, they kissed and revered to him. They were Weksirsa and Mahisawadana.

Sri Bharadah said:”Hi people who have revered me, who are all of you; Idon’t know, let me know”.

Weksirsa and Mahisawadana said;” My lord, we are Weksirsa and Mahisawadana revere to your foot. We are the widow of Girah’s followers. We ask blessing to you, please escape me from torture”.

A clergyman said:”You can’t escape from the torture if Calon Arang hasn’t escaped from the torture yet first. Come to Calon Arang, told to her that I wanna talk to her”.

Weksirsa and Mahisawadana took leave and revered. From far away, Calon Arang was in heaven in the cremation place, Lord Bhatari hagawati has gone home, they have ended their conversation with the widow of Girah. Bhatari said:”Hi Calon Arang, don’t be careless, or you will be dreary, or you will lose”. That is what has been said by Bhatari.

After that, Weksirsa and Mahisawadana talked first to Calon Arang said that a clergy man has come. He was Bharadah. Calon Arang said: Hi, there was news that Lord Bharadah came and I will meet him, I will pick him up, Calon Arang said:”My Lord, you have to be happy, My lord Bharadah, I will ask a blessing, some good words”.

"I have an enmity to many people, that’s why escape me from this dreary, My Lord. What a pity I am"

The clergyman said:”Look, I give a direction to the good guidance, don’t make tulah. I have heard bout your deed that has made people dead, the earth become desolate, the earth become sad, and killed all people. You have brought great disasters (made some sinful deed) for the earth. Many people who got tulah. You have been excessive, you gave them great disasters, killed people in your land. You can’t escape from dreary if you feel enmity. Therefore, if you haven’t known the way out to escape your self yet, so you won’t escape from the dreary”.

Calon Arang said:”I have an enmity to many people, that’s why escape me from this dreary, My Lord. What a pity I am”.

The clergyman said:”I can’t escape you”.
Calon Arang got fury, her grief was wax:” Look at me; I will make a convulsion to you, if you don’t escape me. You escape me reluctantly, be aware, I will break of the sin. I will make teluh to you, My Lord Resi Bharadah”. Then, Calon Arang danced and her eyes became a sidelong glance, her hands pointed the clergyman:”You will die because of me, the clergyman. If you still don’t know, my lord, I will make teluh to this banyan tree; look at this, Empu Bharadah”. Immediately that banyan tree shattered because of Calon Arang’s eyes.

The clergyman said:” Look, noble woman, make teluh anymore which is bigger, so I will be amazed”.

Then Calon Arang made the greater teluh than before, from her eyes, nose, ears, mouth ejected fire, it perfervid the clergyman. The clergyman was not burned out him. He said:”I will not die because of your teluh, noble man: I will not go from life (die). I hope that you will die from your behavior”. Then suddenly, Calon Arang dead. Bharadah said:”Oh my God, I haven’t given guidance her yet. Look at your self, noble woman, you life again”. Then, Calon Arang life again, she got angry and objurgate, she said:” I have dead, why did you reanimate me?”.

The clergyman answered:”Hi noble woman, I make you life again because I haven’t given guidance yet to you about your death and show your heaven, and escape you from hindrance”.

Calon Arang said:”Oh great! I’m so happy hearing your words. Please escape me from dreary; I will revere to your foot, my lord if you escape me from dreary”. Ask Calon Arang to the clergyman to have a perfect death and know her heaven. After Bharadah gave her guidance, Calon Arang revered to the clergyman. The clergyman said:”You have been escaped, noble woman”. Calon Arang has been escaped from dreary by the clergyman. She was burned by her beloved.

Weksirsa and Mahisawadana became safe together. They was become Wiku by the clergyman because they couldn’t follow Calon Arang’s death.That was Calon Arang’s story.

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